The Best High School AU EVAR!
by 100-series
Summary: A parody of Xenosaga and fandom in general. [New Chapter 5! Reading this fic burns fat and builds muscle!]
1. Two Girlfriends

**The Best High School AU... EVAR!**  
If you've never seen a High School AU before, well... you're new. But hopefully this one is funny.

**Notes:** If you can't tell that the title and the very intention behind this fic is completely satirical then please save us all some time banging our heads into our keyboards and don't even read it.

**Warnings:** This fic is rated "T" for cussing and violence, as well as a few dirty jokes. It will not be sexual, but it will liberally poke fun at shoujo-ai, shonen-ai, inscest, threesomes, shotacon, and maybe more.

**Dedicated to:** All my friends at XL. High school would not have been the black pit of despair that it was if I'd had the pleasure of attending with any of you guys.

* * *

_In some other reality..._

It was a sunny sunday morning in September. In a modest home in a normal town somewhere in your typical American setting. They were a family of three: father, son, and daughter. The son was the eldest at twenty-nine years of age, and still lived at home. He claimed he made a living out of the house selling old books and yard sale junk over eBay, but the fact remained that he was a mooch. The younger sister was a girl of sixteen who could best be described as a nerd. She cared very little for anything but schoolwork, and a few strange hobbies. Their father was absent most of the time, with the simple explanation that he worked for the government and was very important. His children simply assumed he was a spy or something, and never bothered to dig too far into things. As for the mother, she had died of cancer several years earlier. This left Jin in charge of the house, but he rarely cared for it. Shion wasn't a tidy person either to say the least, and the entire home was in total disarray.

Jin's room had been renovated from the attic, and Shion had claimed the basement to use as a space for her projects and could normally be found there. The house itself however was no man's land, and on that pleasant morning, the Uzuki siblings were fumbling over each other to use the kitchen. 

"Why is it when I'm hungry that's when you decide to eat!" Shion scolded, as Jin beat her to the microwave.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied. "11:00 AM is my usual breakfast time, and you only eat when you remember you're hungry. How is any of that my fault?"

Shion growled and pushed him out of the way. "It's my diner time!" 

"Get on a schedule," he scolded her. "You do know school starts tomorrow right?"

Shion froze stiff, eyes wide behind her thick round glasses in shock. "Are you kidding? That's not until September!"

"It's September 3rd," he replied, as the microwave beeped and he removed his meal.

"Ah it can't be! I'm so behind schedule!" She grabbed at her hair in frustration and then threw her own meal into the microwave oven. Jin raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Just what are you making in the basement anyway?" he asked. His normally cool voice sounded with a hint of curiosity. It was quickly extinguished as the doorbell rang. "Ah, must be Kevin," he replied. "I'm going upstairs. I don't want to hear you guys banging around."

Shion sneered at him and raced for the door. "Yeah, banging, RIGHT," she groaned, and opened the door as Jin retreated back up into his room with his breakfast flavor Hot Pocket. Shion was met by an attractive blue-haired eighteen-year-old boy who wore a serene expression as usual. "Come on in," she said. "Is school really tomorrow? We've got so much work to do!"

"I know," he replied in a calm but grave tone. Though his face showed no sign of it, he was deeply concerned. "They'll never be registered on time unless we finish today..."

They scurried down to Shion's lair (forgetting all about her microwave dinner), which was more like a mad scientist's lab than any basement. Two large, black, coffin-like containers were at the center of the dark and musty room, hooked up with wires to Shion's many computers. The banging and grinding that Jin often heard when Kevin was around was not at all what he assumed it to be. No, it was the sound of two robotic girls being constructed out of parts secured from anonymous internet sources and sexy anime girl model kits imported from Japan.

"How close are we?" Kevin asked, as Shion sat down at her console which was still warm.

"I'm _so_ almost there," she replied. (Jin was tired of hearing things like that come from downstairs as well.) "KOS-MOS can be ready as soon as I run the start-up test. How much of T-ELOS have you got left?"

"I'm finished," he said, setting up a laptop from a backpack that he wore. "I just have to load it up."

Shion cackled as she initiated the process with a swipe at the keyboard. "This will be so great!" She rubbed her hands together eagerly as the two of them stood before their creations and both grinned to the ears.

Shion looked up at Kevin, dreamily. "You know, I could have never done this without you," she beamed, and took his hands into her tenderly.

"And I could have never done it without you, Shion," he replied, eyes growing misty. 

At the sound of a microwave-like _ding_, the mechanical latch on either case unhinged and lifted up. Two beautiful teenaged girls were revealed inside. One had beautiful sparkling azure blue hair and milky white skin. The other had darker bronze skin and hair of ivory white. They were both decked out in the finest of leather fetish swimsuits, white and black respectively. The two young scientists turned their heads to them, hands still interwoven, and nearly cried tears of joy.

"KOS-MOS!" Shion said with glee. "T-ELOS! You're both awake! Oh Kevin, this is so wonderful!"

T-ELOS was the first to open her eyes. They were emerald green, suspiciously like Shion's. She sat up in her case, looking down to find herself wearing what was practically lingerie and grimacing at that fact. She glared up at Kevin. "Sunuvabitch..."

"Wow!" Kevin exclaimed, and began to hop up and down along with Shion. "She talked! I will call her Telly and she'll be my snuggly wuggly! We can take her shopping and dress her in pretty clothes and brush her hair- and- and-!"

"I know! Yay!" Shion exclaimed, sharing in his enthusiasm. "I'm so happy!"

Then, rather abruptly, the white-haired robot girl sprung up from her seat, and proceeded to impale Kevin through the chest using her own arm. Kevin coughed in shock, and began to sputter as she pulled her arm back down. He fell to the ground, blood pouring out onto the basement floor.

Shion screamed in horror, and flung herself onto Kevin's body as the life drained away from him. "Kevin! Oh, Kevin!" she cried, tears streaming from her face.

She held him in her arms, as he choked for his last breath. "Sh... Shion... I always... did love you... but... but... ARRRG!" With that last grunt, he fell limp and was dead. 

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Shion screamed at the heavens (or rather, her basement's ceiling) over the sound of T-ELOS's maniacal laughter.

It was about at that point Jin opened the door, and was very confused to say the least. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

"Oh! Hey, Jin!" Shion said perkily, having completely recovered. "What are you doing in the basement?"

"Uh..." Jin muttered, trying to figure out why there were two scantly clad girls and one very dead Kevin in his sister's basement lab. "Dad's home... thought I should tell you..."

Before Shion could react, their father's head appeared over Jin's shoulder. Shion yelped and stood up, trying to cover up the evidence. Mr. Uzuki laughed softly. "There's no need for that," he said, clapping a hand onto Jin's soulder. "Come on, son. Let's help your sister hide the bodies."

"H-hide bodies?" Jin stuttered.

"I only need one body hidden, dad!" Shion objected. "The girls are mine!"

"Neh?" T-ELOS snerked, and titled her head inquisitively.

Mr. Uzuki sighed. "Fine," he groaned. "Well, come on Jin. You grab his legs. We'll take him to the backyard."

"Uh, whatever you say Dad..." 

The two male members of the Uzuki household then began to fulfill their filial duty by dragging Kevin's corpse to the back yard, which was guarded by a very tall fence. After quickly cleaning up all of the blood spots in the hallway, Shion scurried back to her lab to check on the girls. KOS-MOS had yet to wake up, and T-ELOS was just standing around in a cocky pose. When she saw Shion appear, she sprang to the door immediately.

Shion flinched and yelped, expecting the robot to do her in as she had done to Kevin, but instead, T-ELOS draped an arm over her shoulder tenderly. "Wai hallo thar, baybeh..."

Clasping her hands together in joy, Shion beamed dreamilly. "Wow! You're so great! You're speech centers might need some work, but..."

"Lyke ur reel kyoot wit dem glasses," T-ELOS sneered seductively. "Wuts ur name, sexeh?"

"Shion," she replied. "But oh! Your sister hasn't awakened yet!" She scampered daintily over to KOS-MOS's pod, where the lovely white and blue vision still slept soundly.

T-ELOS looked somewhat rejected. "I gots a hot sistah, wut? Phsaw!"

Shion pressed her hand against KOS-MOS's cheek gently. "Wake up," she whispered. "Come on..."

KOS-MOS's eye blinked open revealing bright crimson orbs. The irises shifted, focusing much like a camera's lens. Then having adjusted, they scanned her line of vision, falling on Shion. "Good morning, KOS-MOS!" Shion chimed, in exuberant glee.

"Good morning to you as well," KOS-MOS returned, attempting to sit up. "My database recognizes you as Shion Uzuki, my creator and Second Miltia High School Junior."

"Yes!" Shion nearly shrieked, and threw her arms around KOS-MOS in a powerful hug that confused the android girl greatly. "It works!" KOS-MOS only stared ahead blankly.

"AY!" T-ELOS shouted. "Dat's MAH hot stuf! I ceen her furst u ho!"

"Huh?" Shion looked up obliviously, and tried to interpret what T-ELOS was saying. "Are you jealous of me..?"

Instead, T-ELOS stomped up to KOS-MOS and placed her hands on her hips threateningly. Now free of Shion's crippling embrace, KOS-MOS stood and stared at her blankly. "Please state your identification so that I may store this information in my database for later usage."

"I R T-ELOS!"

"Wait," Shion puzzled, pushing her glasses up as she stood. "You mean to say... you are jealous of KOS-MOS? You like _me?_"

"Hels yea," T-ELOS replied.

Shion began to squee loudly. "Oh my god I can't believe it!" she squealed, and began to jump up in down. "Two girlfriends! I AM GOING TO BE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL!"

KOS-MOS blinked. "I do not comprehend this situation..."

Later, in the back yard, Jin and his father were just about done digging a hole deep enough for Kevin. Jin was unsure of all this. Being an adult, he would be tried as an accomplice. However, he couldn't turn in his family. Even if he could, he's still likely be tried for neglect, having been the adult present in the situation.

"I guess I trust you to take care of this, dad..." he said, wiping dirt from his face.

"For once," Mr. Uzuki replied, "could you try out the family business? You're not turning out as much, son. Do you even go to the dojo to practice your sword anymore?"

"What _is_ the family business?" Jin replied. "Are we a part of the Yakuza or something?"

Mr. Uzuki laughed boisterously. "My, heavens no..."

But he didn't answer the question.


	2. Throwaway Characters

**Notes:** School mornings suck don't they? Oh yeah, Xenosaga doesn't belong to me, and all that general prerequisite stuff.

_The next sunny September morning..._

There was one very strange student at Second Miltia High School. Well, actually, that is to say that he was the _strangest_, since they were a very weird bunch of kids to begin with. For the first matter, his parents had bestowed upon him a very odd name. It was chaos, with a lower-case 'c,' at the beginning of sentences even. The second matter was his age. Though he looked only sixteen, he was a senior. He had been a senior since long before anyone else could remember, including the teachers. Maybe he always failed English because of the capitalization error in his name, or maybe he just never turned in any papers at all. Nobody really knew.

They still didn't hesitate to ask him for rides though. On the first morning of school, chaos found himself driving his little sister to school along with his three best friends. Canaan, a somber fellow, held a spot of honor in the passenger's seat for just that reason. He was quiet enough so that chaos could drive while sitting next to him. His poor younger sister however, was stuck sitting between Hammer and Tony.

"So will you see your friend again today?" chaos asked, directing the question towards the back seat.

"You ask that like I've got a boyfriend or something!" Tony spouted immediately, and rather defensively the others also noted.

"I was talking to Nephilim," chaos clarified. "She is friends with a boy named Abel."

"Oooh," Hammer teased. "Little Nephy-wephy has a crush maybe?"

Nephilim looked blankly up at Hammer and then turned her head back down. He wasn't really worth her effort, she thought. She responded to chaos calmly instead. "Yes, he is in my class. I wonder how the author will work him in, considering he has only been shown extremely briefly in previous episodes."

"I'm sure he'll be more important to the plot in the future as more information on the next installment becomes available," chaos answered with a wise nod as he watched the road.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Tony spat out, as he and Hammer struggled to follow. "Plot?"

A stretch of silence.

"Nothing," chaos and Nephilim said together, dismissing the conversation. Hammer and Tony were glad to let the subject drop when they came to a stop sign just as a girl with long slender legs walked by. She was wearing their school uniform, and had short orange hair held in place with a headband. Tony whistled sharply while Hammer hung over Nephilim, trying to get a glimpse through the other side's window.

"Hey baby!" Tony hollered. "Nice ass!"

The girl turned sharply around, a cold scowl engraved in her features. When she began to approach the car, both Tony and Hammer ducked underneath their windows in fear of her horrific blue-green-eyed gaze.

"_Who_ said that?" she growled, and stared both chaos and Canaan into a pit of despair.

Canaan groaned in annoy and and began to roll down the window. "Look," he said in a condescending tone. He didn't get to finish. Just like that, the girl punched him clean in the face. "OUCH. You are... TV?"

"Who's a TV?" Hammer whispered to Tony, still hiding.

"I dunno," Tony whispered back. "Maybe she knocked him delusional!"

Citrine became fully aware of the boys in the back seat. "My name is Citrine. Call me 'baby' again and you're going to lose a piece of you."

The light turned green and chaos drove on quickly. "What was that about?" Canaan grumbled unenthusiastically. chaos shrugged.

The rude girl kept walking down the sidewalk, head held high. Far behind her, three more students stood watching in horror. Three boys, all very similar in appearance, especially with the uniforms on.

"God damn," the oldest one, red-haired and blue-eyed, said. "School hasn't even started and she's already picking a fight."

"She certainly isn't very tactful," the youngest, black-haired, added.

The middle child, a strange scruffy ivory-haired boy, wore a scowl and stomped onward. "Let's just pretend we aren't related to her!" he barked. The other two nodded in agreement.

On the other side of the street and much farther down, another remarkably similar-looking trio was on their way to the high school, these were female however. The eldest had amusingly candy-like pink hair, which was cut just around her shoulders. She walked with a certain coyness, her arms clasping her bag and her face avoiding others. "Kirsch, could you make sure that Hundred gets to homeroom?" she asked the second in age rank, a girl with long silvery grey hair. "I'm going to wait for Shion."

Kirsch sneered a little, but agreed without hesitation. The youngest one, who's name was almost as weird as _chaos_, grinned sweetly and followed after her older sister towards the school. Her teal-green pigtails bobbed behind her as she did so.

And now that we're done with the typical visual description of several characters that will appear again later, lets look into what Shion was doing all morning.

"AH! YOU CAN'T WEAR THAT TO SCHOOL!" Shion yelled at the top of her lungs when T-ELOS came out ready for class in a black thong bikini.

"Wai teh helz not?"

"That attire does not conform to the school's standard uniform policy," KOS-MOS replied, as she emerged in a painfully perfect school uniform. It was a navy blue golf t-shirt with a kaki pleated skirt which reaches to precisely three inches above the knee. She also wore white socks, spotless brown loafers, and a headband in place to hold her luxuriously shimmery hair in place.

"Fuk dat authorteh, baybeh!" T-ELOS firmly replied and flipped the bird at her robotic counterpart.

"Aw, KOS-MOS!" Shion whined "I told you to put on the sailor fuku! That stupid American uniform is so plain!"

KOS-MOS didn't budge. "I am adhering to the protocols. Otaku fantasy does not take precedence over rules and regulations, even in this horribly self-serving fanfiction."

Needless to say, Shion had a very hectic morning. She finally managed to get T-ELOS out of the house in some passable clothing, although she had to wonder what kind of decency algorithms Kevin had programmed her with, if any.

"Here you go," Jin said, holding a paper-bag lunch for her. She took it from him hastily, surprised by his thoughtfulness but offended by his patronizing tone all the same. "Don't forget the cover story either alright? I've got enough bad slash to worry about without going to prison."

"I have no idea what you are talking about!" Shion replied. and chased the androids through the door.

"Hey I'll pick you up from school this afternoon, okay?" he yelled after her as she raced for the sidewalk.

Shion led KOS-MOS and T-ELOS swiftly to school. She was not at all trying to avoid attention, waving and smiling to passersby. Finally she found her good friend Momo standing near an intersection waiting for her. She skipped up to her in giddy joy. "Momo!" she squealed.

"Oh," Momo replied, noticing the two girls with her. "You're happy today... who's this?"

Shion waved her arms in a huge dramatic fashion. "This is KOS-MOS and T-ELOS," she said. "They are exchange students from Japan who will be living with me for this year!"

"Hello," Momo greeted them meekly, and smiled. "My name is Momo Mizrahi. It's nice to meet you both."

"Hay hay hay..." T-ELOS snickered, staring the pink-haired girl up and down. "Dis chickz purdy hawt 2!"

Momo turned obliviously to Shion. "I'm sorry, what was that she said?"

"T-ELOS isn't very good with English," Shion explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry then," Momo apologized. "Umm... Let's see... Ohayo?"

"WUT? OH HI HO? Did u jus cal me a ho biatch?"

"Ohayo gozaimasu," KOS-MOS stated quickly and in perfect form. "Good morning. I am pleased to make your acquaintance."

"Thanks," Momo smiled. "Me too." Then something occurred to her. "Oh Shion, where is Kevin? You're still going out, aren't you?"

"Deceased," KOS-MOS replied. "He met a tragic accident on the morning on Septemb-"

"Aha!" Shion laughed nervously, and clapped her hand over KOS-MOS's mouth. "Not _that_ Kevin, silly! Momo is talking about a completely _different_ Kevin." She then turned to Momo and put on her sad face. "Unfortunately Kevin's family moved to another district and he had to transfer to another school this year! I'm still speaking to him though."

"Oh," Momo replied. "I would have liked to say goodbye to him. Oh well."

"Shhhiiiiiioooooonnnnnnnn!"

They heard the high pitch squeal from down the road. Miyuki closed the distance amazingly fast, and threw herself at Shion. "Shion, shion!"

"HAY!" T-ELOS shouted, angered very violently at Miyuki's flying glomp tackle. "DAT ISH MAH CHIK U GIT TEH HELZ OFF HER!"

"Who is _that?_" the chipper brunette hugging Shion said in disgust, getting a good look at T-ELOS's trampy school uniform.

Before T-ELOS was able to attack Miyuki however, KOS-MOS interjected a typically flat statement. "If we do not make for our target immediately, we will not reach the designated point within an acceptable time frame."

"Oh! Right!" Miyuki stammered. "We're late!"

The four girls hurried off for school. The set of buildings soon laid invitingly before them. They all (or at least the fully human ones) took a glance at the familiar structure and sighed. Another year of school.

"Contrary to popular belief," KOS-MOS stated, upon inspection of the scene, "I believe that high school is not going to be as glamorous and interesting as it is usually depicted."

"Yo, who da hell r u talkin 2?" T-ELOS said, and shoved KOS-MOS in the shoulder. Then, they all hurried to their homeroom for roll call.


	3. Prerequisite URTV Attention

Notes: Credit for some of the ideas in this chapter goes to Murky, though I'm not sure if she really wants to admit to having any part in this!

**Chapter 3**

"Oh god of all things good and decent, _why_?"

Nigredo, the young black-haired boy mentioned briefly earlier, sighed at his oldest sibling's outburst upon reaching the front gates of the school. "It is inevitable that new school years start in fall..." But as usual, his soft and logical (compared to everyone else so far) voice went unheard, or ignored at best. 

Meanwhile, Rubedo was shaking his head in his hands and trying to deny the entire idea that his summer was OVER, gone, totally wasted, too. "Oh, I remember the days of summer! Weeee were so close together... EVERY MOMENT WAS SACRED AND MYSTIC--" Albedo promptly punched him in the gut, much to our relief. "Ow, hell man, that hurts!"

"Mwa hahahaha," Albedo cackled and pointed at Rubedo's bruised stomach wildly. "You're so weak!" Apparently, the middle child thought this was hilarious and wouldn't stop with the maniacal laughter.

"I guess I could stand a few push-ups," he replied noticing the effects of summer slacking on his body.

By this time, half the student body assembled in the courtyard were staring at them strangely. They were new at school and attractive to say the least, but unsettling in their near identical appearances. As if purposely attempting to complicate matters, a dark black vehicle with tinted windows straight out of a conspiracy film pulled up behind them and honked loudly three times. The three boys froze in place hoping to whatever higher power might care enough to take pity on them and that _the person driving that car was not who they thought it was_, but it was. A man with sickly blonde hair rolled down his window and glared at the three of them from behind a pair of glasses.

He looked at them all as if in contempt, and then in a dark and gruff tone of voice said, "You boys forgot your _lunches._" Then he reached through the open window, holding out three paper sacks.

Three arms reached out for their respective bags as the students observing began to laugh hysterically. They grimaced as their father gave them one more disapproving scowl and sped off. Trying to ignore the jeering as much as possible, they began to walk into the building to find a new place to stand, preferably out of sight.

Nigredo stuck his nose into his bag as he trailed behind his two brothers. "It appears that he even left us notes..."

"Whaat?" Rubedo spat, and nearly tore his lunch open. He pulled out a very clean napkin with a message written on it. _Do not fail again or I'll have you eliminated._ "Great..."

"Mine says _Do not play with power tools in shop class,_" Albedo added. Then they turned to Nigredo. "So what did he tell you?"

"Uh," the boy responded slowly, "Mine says, _Do not forget about your mission._"

"Mission?" Rubedo wondered, Albedo was equally as confused.

"I have absolutely no idea, no idea at all," Nigredo replied, in an extremely unconvincing tone of voice. "He's just a weird old crazy, in fact I'm going to change my name right now and pretend we're not related."

"Awesome idea," Rubedo replied. "I'll do that too."

"I'll change my last name," Albedo replied, " But I'm not changing my first name because it matches my hair and I'm cool like that."

The first bell to let everyone know that it was time to go to class. Since the boys were each in a different grade level, they would be heading to separate home room halls. "Well, see you guys this afternoon," Rubedo groaned.

As he turned to leave the group, he felt Albedo clamp onto his arm with both hands. "Wait!" he whimpered. "You mean... we don't have any classes together?" 

Rubedo cringed and began to attempt to shake his clingy sibling off of him. "Yeah, _baka_! Didn't you check your schedule?"

"You know, when you use Japanese phrases out of context like that, it just makes you look like an idiot," Albedo responded refusing to let go.

"Just let go of me!" Rubedo finally yanked his arm back and began to pace down the hall. Discovering that Nigredo had left during their scuffle without a word, Albedo sniffled and began the lonely path down his own hallway.

Poor Albedo, dragging his heels like a lost puppy, did receive a few odd stares from the crowds suffocating the junior hall where his homeroom was located; but not nearly as many as he might at any normal sort of school. These people had gotten accustomed to strange hair and eye colors a long time ago. The stares were mainly because he was new, and so very dramatic with his lost, lonely attitude.

He read his schedule for the first time, having not really given it a thought so far. The classroom was at the end of the hallway. Bumping into several students along the way, he reached the open door and entered. It was much brighter, and not nearly as noisy inside the room. The students had not all piled in yet, but there was a certain group of junior girls huddled around a few desks. Now, one thing that Albedo did not get along with very well was the female species. That being said, he made a sort of heavy groaning sound upon entering, and tried to sit as far away from them as possible.

That didn't particularly work however, as one of the girls lifted her head in his direction. It happened to be Momo, who had been forgotten in the conversation between Shion, Miyuki, and the two androids posing as exchange students.

"How could every important character so far EXCEPT Rubedo have the same class as me?" he whined, and took a look inside his paper bag. "Oh man, this is crap," he grumbled upon surveying the contents. 

"I brought an extra lunch if you want it," Momo offered innocently, approaching the boy. She smiled sweetly in that cute sort of way that made a person want to either snuggle her or hit her with two-by-four.

Albedo protectively covered his lunch and sneered up at MOMO. "NO! This is mine, mine, not yours!" 

She was puzzled by his reaction to say the least. "I didn't mean..."

"Shut up!" he snapped back. 

As he did so, MOMO caught a glimpse of what was in his bag. "Oh my GOD! Is that a dismembered HAND?"

"Yeah, well I was gonna trade Virgil for some Pringles."

MOMO was scared but even more confused. "How do you know what Virgil eats if you are supposed to be new at school?"

Albedo mumbled, "Vigil is the new guy! ...I met him at orientation, geez."

"Well, if you want you can have a cupcake. I made them this morning."

He pointed accusingly at her. "Don't you try and seduce ME with your sweet delicate cupcakes!" 

"I wasn't trying to-"

"Just give me one."

And so, Albedo received a cute little cupcake from the equally cute pink-haired girl. "Bwahaha I'll eat this in front of Rubedo, it'll be great!"

Rubedo, in the meantime, had managed to find his own class and sat down as it started. He found (much to his dismay) not a large number of girls, but a group of _guys_ in his class. chaos, Canaan, Hammer, Tony, and a yet-unamed fifth character. "Oh man, I'm sitting right on top of a yaoi powder keg," he grumbled.

The class seemed unusually rowdy even when the teacher came into the room. He was a large burly man with a beer belly who wore a baseball cap. "Alright, ya morons!" he shouted, and the room got quiet. He continued in a grumbly tone that was hardly intelligible. "Name's Coach Matthews, you kids know the drill. Now somebody take roll, I don't do anything until 8 AM."

"I'll take care of that," chaos said gently, and took the clipboard from their homeroom teacher. "Tony?"

"Yo!"

"Hammer?" 

"Present!"

"Canaan?"

Canaan just made eye contact, finding it a waste of time to answer. 

Several more names that you don't need to hear for the sake of this story followed, then chaos made a strange face at the notepad and looked up. "Rubedo Yuriev?" he said, looking for the unfamiliar face.

"I'm here," Rubedo said, raising his hand. "I go by Jr. though."

"What the hell kind of name is that?" Coach Matthews interjected. "Not Junior, but J-R-PERIOD? What kind of mother would name their child an abbreviation! You're as effed up as chaos!"

Rubedo shrugged defensively. "I dunno, I just made it up!" 

"Okay, so Jr. is here," chaos said, as if he'd been expecting Jr. to show up. "Now that that's over with, the story can advance!"

"Hey!" a small voice from the back of the room said. "You didn't call my name!" It was the previously unnamed fifth character.

"Sorry Allen," chaos said sheepishly. "I accidently marked you absent... again... We don't really need you to advance the story, so I didn't double check."

Allen pouted and mumbled something under his breath as he sat back down. The truth was that he felt lucky that he even got mentioned in a chapter about Jr. and Albedo, but he was still bitter about it. "Stupid URTVs and their stupid fangirls..." he grumbled. "Have you ever seen an Allen fangirl? they are freakin scary!"

"I've never seen an Allen fangirl," Canaan replied bluntly.

Allen whimpered and went back to being invisible for a while. Poor, poor, Allen.

On the other side of the school, Nigredo was not worried about a lack of fangirls at all. He was seated between a cute little blonde girl and a cute little teal-haired girl in the middle of a freshmen homeroom. His teacher was totally racked, too. She was wearing a crazy figure-fitting outfit that showed off her endowment to its fullest, and a mean pair of glasses.

"Now most of you aren't going to recognize me," she said in a deep feminine voice. "I'm a new... teacher. My name is Doctor Doktus. You can just call me Doktus, its doesn't matter. I'm not going to learn any of your names though, since that would take too much of my time." 

After reading through a list of names on the roll, she came to the ones that we are most interested in. "Mary Godwin," she said.

"Heeeeeere!" the blonde-haired girl next to Nigredo exclaimed.

Doktus rubbed her ears being nearly deafened. "Okay. How about Hundred Mizrahi?"

"That's me!" the girl with teal pig-tails said.

Doktus looked at the girl in scrutiny. "Are you sure your name isn't Sue?" she asked.

Hundred ignored this and pulled out a tray of snacks. "Want cupcakes?"

"Sure," Doktus replied, and dropped the matter. "And you're the last one," she said to Nigredo, "So you must be Nigredo Yuriev." 

"Actually my name is Gaignun Kukai," he responded. 

She shrugged. "I should have some objection to that, but I don't really care."

They all ate cupcakes and were quite contented for the rest of the class. Unfortunately, homeroom only lasts for a few minutes. Before long, they were all kicked out of their respective rooms by the bell and had to face survival in real classes that involved actual work. Woe were they.


	4. Commanders and Robocops

**Chapter 4: Commanders and Robocops**

_First Period, Advanced Physics_

Upon entering the classroom, Shion realized that the seats were in sets of two, for lab partners. This meant one very bad thing, and that was either KOS-MOS or T-ELOS was going to have to sit with somebody else. Considering that T-ELOS was known to impale people, she decided to let KOS-MOS go. She looked around for any friend who she could trust in the class to sit with her precious KOS-MOS. Immediately she eyes chaos, and decided to assign him to the task.

"Ah, Shion," chaos said as she approached. "Did you have a nice summer?" Though they were in different grade levels currently, pretty much everyone was friends with chaos.

"Yes, thanks," Shion replied. "Hey, could I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

Shion gestured to her blue-haired friend. "This is KOS-MOS. She is a foreign exchange student who is going to be staying here. Would you please sit with her and be her lab partner?"

"I'd be happy to," chaos agreed.

"Thank you for your assistance," KOS-MOS said, and took a seat next to chaos.

"I've been waiting a long time to get to know you," chaos said sweetly to KOS-MOS, sure to be well out of Shion's earshot.

"How long?" KOS-MOS asked in response. "I do not remember having any interaction with you before this class."

chaos rubbed his chin. "Well if you mean in years... six thousand maybe? Or let's just say two episodes...?"

"I am refusing to acknowledge this useless canon reference."

chaos looked very disappointed, but class was about to start so he didn't raise any more questions. A energetic young teacher walked into the room and laid her things down on the desk. "Hey guys!" she greeted them. Shion smiled pleasantly back at her. She was a cute young lady with short brown hair, but held herself with an air of confidence. "Is everybody ready to learn some advanced physics?"

The students in the class all groaned, except for Shion, who nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I love physics!" she answered.

The teacher grinned awkwardly. "Well I'm pretty sure that you're the only one who feels that way, but I'm glad you do! As for the rest of the class, I'll try and make it the best class possible! My name is Meris Orthas, and you can call me Miss Ortha--"

She was cut off by a heavy cough as a tall man suddenly appeared and cleared his throat. She flinnhed and looked up into the cold blue eyes of a large stoic man with blonde hair brushed straight backwards. "Exscuse me Miss Orthas," he interjected. "But what are you doing in my class? Student teachers don't teach on the first day."

"But I want a promotion!" Meris argued back. "Please? Only 2 percent of the audience even knows that this fic just referenced Pied Piper!"

"Please step down, Miss Orthas," he said firmly. She pouted and picked up her stuff again to sit elsewhere and observe the teacher as she was supposed to do.

He cleared his throat and addressed the class. "Hello class. My name is Jan Sauer, and I'll be your teacher. Miss Orthas will be observing the class as a student teacher, and _occasionally_ she will give your lessons. Now I'll take roll and umm..." Mr. Sauer looked at his notes. This was the part he always sucked the most at, getting to know the students and making them feel comfortable. "How about each of you share one of your hobbies with us..."

He continued with the roll, and the students each gave something they were interested in as a response. Football, swimming, band, futuristic anime-style console-based cinematic role-playing video games; all of these things were popular answers. Finally it came to Shion Uzuki's turn.

"I like robotics!" she said loudly.

"Well then, physics should be an interesting course for you," Mr. Sauer replied. "And well this is odd... there are three people here with only first names given."

"I don't have a last name," chaos replied. "But I uhh... I like to watch people."

KOS-MOS raised her hand and stood from her chair. "Excuse me sir, I believe I would like another lab partner now."

"What's your hobby?" Mr. Sauer asked.

"I like to read fanfiction," she replied.

"Now who's a freak?" chaos asked.

"Point taken." She sat back down.

"HAY!" T-ELOS shouted out. "I lyke 2 keel wussy d00ds and I lyke hawt-ass chicks!" She turned around in her chair and leaned her elbow onto chaos's half of his and KOS-MOS's desk, winking suggestively. "Lyke u, hawtie."

"Uh..." chaos smiled nervously. "I think you may be confused..."

"I thonk U may b SEXEH!"

"So you're a foreign language student? I see." Mr. Sauer nodded knowingly.

"Hey, uhh!" Allen interrupted. "I like fishing?"

Mr. Sauer turned and looked at the boy who had been sitting in the desk next to Shion the entire time, totally unnoticed. "Where did you come from?"

"I've been here uh... you skipped my name..."

"Oh... right. Well, let me and Miss Orthas pass out everyone's books and we can get started."

Another groan swept throughout the classroom at the thought of work on the first day.

"HEY!" Meris shouted at them, which quieted them all promptly. "Don't make him go all Robo-cop on your asses!"

"Thanks for the support there, Miss Orthas."

_Second Period, Workshop_

Albedo stomped into his second class. He was very fumed over the last class he had in which, once again, no important characters were present. He snorted the smell of sawdust and chalkboards as he sat down in a chair at one of the tables. Next to him there was a girl he had failed to notice until he had already seated. She was silver-haired and pretty, but he had to wonder why she was wearing a nurse's hat as an accessory. Nothing came out of her mouth, but she smiled up at him as if to say hello.

"Er... hi," he replied.

The girl reached into her things and pulled out a small box. She opened it up, revealing a row of cute little cupcakes. Albedo freaked.

"CUPCAKES!" he shouted, and jumped up. "You're all trying to GET me!"

She pouted and looked shamefully rejected. This sent a pang of guilt through his heart.

"Aw okay, I'll take one," he agreed, and sat back down. "Hey! Now I can eat one and still have one to rub in Rubedo's face!"

The girl looked and saw the cupcake in Albedo's hand. She recognized it immediately as one of the ones her sister Momo had made and frowned in bitter jealousy. Albedo was too slow to see that as he turned and she put on a smile again.

A boy Albedo's age with frizzy blonde hair stepped into the class. He had a large patch of enflamed skin on his face. Albedo recognized him as a friend from orientation, Virgil. He eyed the girl next to Albedo suspiciously and then sat down next to him.

"Ew sick!" Albedo exclaimed, as the boy sat down on his other side. "What happened to your face?"

"Um," Virgil replied, and looked around shifty eyed. "I just have some bad acne."

"That does NOT look like pimples to me."

"Whatever," Virgil cut him off. "Why are you sitting with... one of _them_?"

"One of who-what?"

"That _realian_ girl!"

The silver-haired girl cowered behind Albedo under the blonde-haired boy's scrutinizing gaze. "What the heck is a realian?" Albedo asked.

Virgil glared at Momo's sister. "They hail from Realia. And I hate their smell!"

Albedo raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, you're a racist."

"I am not!"

"You are."

"I am NOT! I'm totally cool with Helmer."

Before this horrible display of humanity continued on, a middle-aged man who Albedo assumed must be their instructor stepped into the class and cleared his throat loudly to get everyone's attention. He had slick combed brown hair and wore a scowl. "That guy's got something up his butt," Albedo noted.

"Children, please sit down," the man said, as if they'd all done something wrong by just showing up. "The class will now come to order. I am Instructor Cherenkov, and I will be teaching you all how to work with crafts. Now, everyone pay attention because the first thing I'll be explaining is safety with our power tools."

Albedo ignored him and kept talking to Virgil. "Hey Virgil, I brought your favorite snack like I promised!"

"OMG REALLY?" Virgil answered excitedly. His eyes became round and starry as Albedo opened his lunch bag.

"What is this?" Cherenkov interjected, appearing rather suddenly behind Albedo and Virgil. "Is that a _hand_ there?"

"Yesss," Virgil drooled. "And it smells so GOOD."

Cherenkov put his fists on his hips and his scowl twisted even further into his face. "Now this is EXACTLY why I am trying to explain safety procedures!" he scolded, snatching the hand away from them both. "When you work with power tools, accidents will happen! Er... may happen!"

"Can I see the power tools?" Albedo asked with a gleam in his eye.

"Well yeah I gu--"

"WHEE!" Albedo shot up from his seat like a giddy little boy on Christmas morning, scaring the wits out of the girl sitting next to him. He whipped the plastic tarp off of the large saw in the corner. "Screw you, Yuriev!" he shouted, while lying all over the cutting board. "It's fun time!"

"Now watch, children," Cherenkov said sagely, nodding his head while everyone followed Albedo with their eyes. "Everything you see this kid do, that's what you _don't_ do, and you'll be perfectly safe."

"Excellent! Excellent!" Albedo shouted in euphoria as he turned on the saw and continued to push himself into it. The class watched in horror and amusement as Albedo somehow managed to divide himself evenly into two parts.

The girl shot of from the table in alarm only to be smacked in the face with one of Albedo's vital organs. "You want to play?" he asked. She shook her head no very fervently. Then, everyone was quite amazed as Albedo regenerated his body. Soon he was good as new, all in one piece. He stood up and cracked his neck. "That was fun AND educational!"

"Okay," Virgil commented. "How in the FCK did you just do that?"

"Um," Albedo mumbled. "I take vitamins?"

"How in the hell do vitamins regenerate your CLOTHES?"

Albedo's eyes darted around the room for an answer. Then he struck a pose and pushed his palms out in front of himself shaking them as if having just performed a magic trick. "Plot device!"

Virgil nodded. "Oh, okay."

"You just said a bad word in my class!" Cherenkov said, pointing accusingly at Virgil. "PUNISHMENT. You will clean up this mess after class is done."

"Ew gross..." Virgil complained.

They were then cut off as the teacher's cell phone began to ring. It was a polyphonic tone with lyrics: CRAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIN.

"OMFG this guy is so emo," Albedo chuckled, as Cherenkov fumbled over his tone to answer it.

"Commander!" he exclaimed. Then there was a pause. "Oh yes Commander, everything is going just swell! No I don't have your arch-rival's sister in any of my classes, I'm terribly sorry." The phone conversation ended abruptly. Cherenkov sighed, disappointed. "He only called about his arch rival, it's always the same..."

"Dude," Virgil asked. "_Commander?_"

"Well he likes for me to _call_ him Command--ER I MEAN Get back to your lesson!" With that, he stomped off to pout in a corner for the remainder of the class period. Nobody raised the point that he hadn't given them a lesson or even passed out books, as that could lead to homework.

When the bell rang everyone else got up and left except for Virgil. He grumbled something at Albedo's back as the girl followed him away. "Stupid realians... stupid deliciously tasty realians..."

It was quiet in the shop class after all of the students were gone except for the sound of Cherenkov typing away at something at the computer behind his desk. Virgil got to work quickly though he complained the entire way, hoping that he wouldn't miss lunch. After having scooped up all of Albedo's remains, paper balls, and other thing thrown around during class into a large plastic bag, he approached the desk.

Cherenkov's face was lit eerily by the computer screen. Next to him there was an open bottle, and a ton of pills laid spread out. He looked up just after having downed several of them with a Slim Fast. "What?"

"Umm..." Virgil muttered, backing up a bit "Should you really be downing all those meds? You work with power tools..."

"How dare you lecture me, I'm an adult!"

To avoid further complications, Virgil simply let it go. "Okay well uhh... where do I put the garbage?"

Cherenkov looked at him wild-eyed and began to stutter. "_G-G-Garbage?_"

"Yeah," Virgil said, getting annoyed. "G-A-R-B-A-G-E. Garbage."

"GARBAGE?"

"Yes I said garb-URK!" Virgil was cut off as Cherenkov lundged at him with both hands, grasping his throat. He began to sputter and choke as Cherenkov lifted him with unnatural strength. His feet dangled a few inches from the ground.

It was silent in the room except for the sound of a few muffled chokes and flailing and kicking, until finally it was completely soundless. Virgil's body stopped moving altogether, and Cherenkov dropped him to the floor.

"Oh," he said, realizing what he had done. "Whoops..." He reached for his cell phone again and touched a speed-dial key. "Uh, commander?" he said, when the person on the other end picked up the phone. "I uh... throttled one of my students again. Sorry. Uh... okay, I'll just put him in the closet for a while... yeah."


	5. Omnipotent Third Person

**Chapter 5: Omnipotent Third Person**

_Earlier, between homeroom and first class_

Jr. was running frantically. The school was laid out in such a way that his first and second classes were on opposite sides of the campus and he had only five minutes to get there. This reminded him how much he hated school, and how much it seemed to hate him in return.

"I said no!" he heard a female voice ring out, and skidded to a stop at the noise. His shoes squeaked as he kept himself from falling over by flailing his arms. "Stop it!"

"That's the sound of a girl in distress!" he exclaimed, and looked down the hallway he had just foot-braked in front of. There was a girl there being hassled by three boys while trying to get something out of her locker. He recognized them as Tony and Hammer from class along with a third boy he didn't recognize (and it wasn't Allen this time). "Wow!" he said. "How did they appear here so fast when I had to run the whole way? Either this author is getting lazy, or I need to start working out!" But that was forgotten quickly as he examined the girl. She was slender and long-legged with cand-like pink hair and a super-short pleated skirt. "Cute girl!"

"Come on," Tony said in a persuading tone, leaning over Momo's shoulder. She pulled her shirt to herself modestly, not giving him a chance to look down it.

"Tony, stop messing around!" Hammer complained. "You're gonna make us all late for class!"

The third boy was even wimpier than Hammer, and cowered behind him pressing his two index fingers together. "Can we just go find Allen please?" he asked.

"Shut up, Scott!" both Hammer and Tony snapped at him.

Scott whimpered. "I'm telling Professor on you guys!"

"Leave me alone!" Momo said. "I don't have anything for you!"

"Oh, yes you do!" Tony snickered. "I want your delicious cupcakes."

MOMO wrinkled her nose. "No way! Those are only for nice boys! I'm warning you to back off before I get scary!" Then she ducked her head into her locker to look for something.

"Oh yeah?" Tony continued.

At this point, Jr. came barreling down the hall and leapt into a karate kick in the air. "HI-HAA!" he shouted as his foot impacted against Tony's head. Tony grunted and went down. Then Jr. proceeded to punch Hammer in the gut and ram Scott into a locker with a clatter.

"What the hell?" Hammer coughed. "I wasn't even doing anything!"

"Ha ha!" Jr. laughed triumphantly, as he turned around to face Momo. "I've taken care of all these lechers for you. Now what's this about cupcakes?"

"HENTAI!" Momo screeched, and pulled a large metal rod out of her locker.

"Oh, so you like anime too!" Jr. said excitedly, just before Momo wanged him in the head with her rod.

She continued to bludgeon him as well as the other three as she shouted. "I told you-!" _WHAM!_ "To leave me-!" _WHAM!_ "and my cupcakes-!" _WHAM!_ "ALONE!" _WHAM!_ Then, having beaten them all to a pulp, she straightened her hair and walked off to class. "Hmf!"

Jr. laid on the ground twitching in agony for a moment before hopping back onto his feet resiliently. "That girl is so incredibly cute!" he proclaimed, blood trickling down the side of his head. "And err... catch you guys later, I gotta go to class!" With that, he zipped off.

He came to a stop again in front of a classroom door just as the bell rang. A woman with very dark sunglasses on stared at him threateningly, with a lipstick-painted smirk. "You're late," she mocked him. "But it's the first day, so I suppose I won't rope you down and put you in my collection. I mean send you to the office."

"Err... sure, Miss..." he checked her chest to see if he could find any name tag there. "...Rack?"

"Just get into class, carrot-top."

Jr. did as he was told and stepped into class. He found his younger brother Gaignun already there. Jr. being a bit behind and Gaignun being a bit ahead put them in the same class, despite their being eldest and youngest respectively. "Hey," he greeted him.

"Miss Rack's name is Doctor Doktus," Gaignun explained.

"Thanks," Jr. answered. "Good to know. By the way, is it a pain in the ass to get to this class for you? 'cause I nearly died..." Little would Gaignun know that this was not an exaggeration.

"Actually," Gaignun explained, "I have home room and first class in the same room, so I didn't even have to move."

Jr.'s mouth dropped open and he looked back at him mortified. "Why is it so easy for YOU?"

"Because... you fail at life," Gaignun replied honestly, as he turned his attention to the book laid on his desk by the busty doctor. He looked at the cover and groaned. "Advanced biology," he muttered, flipping through the pages. "Look at all these graphs... this is going to involve math... I'm gonna have to kill you aren't I?"

"Huh?" Jr. snapped to attention. "What was that? I was kinda distracted by the teacher's outfit. What, do you think she forgot to wear pants or something?"

Gaignun let his head fall against his desk.

As Doctor Doktus reached the podium and cleared her throat to begin the first day's lesson, a sound was heard at the door. She raised an eyebrow over her dark glasses as some muffled words and shuffling in the hallway. She grimaced and opened the door to find two orange-haired students behind it, wrapped snugly into each other's arms and snogging fiercely. "A-hem," she coughed.

Canaan and Citrene pulled away from each other and straightened their clothes. Citrine's make-up was smeared all over the place and Canaan's hair was in disarray. Jr. and Gaignun watched in total horror as the two of them gave sneers to the teacher and sat down next to each other in two desks.

"Now that everyone seems to be here," Doktus started. "Maybe I can actually-"

Jr. cut her off right there and rose from his desk in a panic. "What the hell?" he shouted, and pointed his finger wildly at Citrine. "You aren't in the story for TEN MINUTES and you're already HOOKED UP?"

Citrine crossed her arms and turned her nose up. "So?"

"And weren't you two FIGHTING just two or three chapters ago?"

She scowled up at him. "I don't see your point."

Jr. turned his face up at the heavens (or the classroom ceiling, rather) with his arms outstretched in defeat and began to cry. "And I try for canon and I get bludgeoned nearly to death by a character that's supposed to have a mild personality? WHY, GOD? WHY?"

"It's because you fail at life," Citrine pointed out. Gaignun and Canaan nodded sagely in agreement.

Doktus got fed up with this distraction from her class time and smacked her industrial steel-coated meter stick into Jr.'s face firmly. "Would you sit down and shut the hell up already?"

Jr. rubbed his nose in agony and whimpered as he sat down. "Hey, that's not very in character..."

"A-hem," she coughed again while ignoring Jr., and took her position at the podium. "This is biology. I suggest that you all show up for class, seeing as how I judge grades mainly on... _performance_."

Jr. whispered to Gaignun, "Ya know, Miss Rack makes me _really_ uncomfortable." This was firmly silenced as Doktus slapped her ruler onto his desk with a loud clatter, scaring the wits out of him.

"Math is torture for you isn't it?" she said, propping a leg on the desk in front of Jr.'s and leaning over threateningly. "Well, we're going to be using a lot of math in this course, and you're going to _like it_."

Jr. swallowed very hard. "Did you know," he laughed nervously, "that you didn't put any pants on this morning?"

_KER-SMACK!_

A little later... _between first and second class._

Shion pranced down the hallway with her physics book in hand and her two androids on either side. She turned her chin up and grinned whenever someone looked her way. "I'm finally popular!" she sang to herself.

"Shion?" she heard a voice ask, as she reached her locker. She looked up to see Allen standing there beside her.

"Oh, hi Allen!" she chimed. "Have you met KOS-MOS and T-ELOS?"

"Yeah, uh... I was in the last class with you guys, remember?"

"They're foreign exchange students!" she continued, without listening. "They live with me and sleep in my bed and walk around my house in these tiny schoolgirl uniforms, aren't you jealous?"

"Um... not really," Allen replied hesitantly.

T-ELOS walked up to Allen and assaulted him with her chest, pushing him back a few steps with the mere force of her jugs. "U step off ho, dis my biatch."

"You don't intimidate me!" Allen sputtered back, trying to maintain his ground. "I understand what you're saying, I use AOL! You're not from Japan at all!"

"HAA!" T-ELOS snorted, and then winked at Allen suggestively. "U UNERSTUND! Wul ill let u liv cuz u r da only 1. But dis ho ish MY HAWTSHTUF an so ish dat angle biatch."

Allen returned this with an utterly confused stare. "Okay... you might have lost me there..."

KOS-MOS stepped in and gave both her evil counterpart and Allen a blank look. "Allen Ridgeley," she said plainly. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

Shion grabbed the androids each by the wrist and looked at them both suspiciously. "Now don't either of you go getting any funny ideas about impaling Allen! He's the only member of the Math and Science team that I have left after Kevin er... moved away."

"Kevin moved?" Allen asked. "So you two are uhh... not seeing each other anymore."

"Yeah, aha ha ha!" Shion laughed nervously. "You could say that our relationship is really uhh... dead. Well, we're still friends! Anyway, I'll see you at the first club meeting later this week alright?"

"Yes!" Allen responded eagerly. "And I thought this chapter was going to be all about Jr.! Oh, thank you! Is it to early in the story for me to confess my love?"

Shion had already made her way down the hallway.

"_Riiiiight_, seeya later."

_Second class, Art._

Allen continued walking on the way to his next class. He had art as an elective this semester. The idea was to take a break from the regimen of meticulous study with something fun and creative. That might keep him from going totally insa-

"WAIT!" Allen then shouted, in the middle of the hallway, at no one. "Are you _really_ going to do a whole scene from my perspective?"

Well sure Allen, the omnipotent third person doesn't really have any problem with you. Just relax.

"I-I'm sorry! This just doesn't happen a lot. I'll try to calm down."

Allen took a deep breath and walked into his class with plenty of time to spare before the bell rang. He sat down at one of the craft tables and-

"Hey, uh...?" Allen interjected, poking his forefingers together, a blush forming on his cheeks. "I hate to ask this but, do you think that maybe um... you could give me one of those really needlessly elaborate physical descriptions? I've never had one of those before..."

Allen then turned and realized that the girl sitting next to him was none other than Miyuki Itsumi.

"OH GOD! I'm sorry!" Allen said, begging the sky with his hands clasped. "I'll behave, I promise!"

Because the author was in a forgiving mood, Miyuki simply failed to notice Allen and went to her next class, none the wiser.

"Say," Allen said, rubbing his chin. "You don't have to may her leave if you think maybe it'd make a good pairing..."

Then Jr. entered, barely making it to class on time. "Aha!" he shouted at the class. "Not late!"

Allen stood up from his chair and looked up angrily. "Aw, you suck!" he shouted. "I was just trying to make a suggestion!"

"Yo, who are you talking to?" Jr. asked him.

"Nobody," Allen sobbed, collapsing to his desk. "Just leave me alone!"

An insanely cute teal-haired realian looked up from her seat and offered Jr. a box of cupcakes. "Hi, are you a senior? My name is Hundred Series, what's your name?"

"Well hey there cute little girl," Jr. answered, patting her on the head, and picking up a cupcake. "My name is Jr., and I am in fact a Senior. Now seeing as you haven't beaten me senseless yet, would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Allen jumped up again. "NOW YOU ARE JUST RUBBING IT IN!"

A young woman with a braided ring held in place on either side of her head spoke up above the class. "Would you all like to be seated?" she asked. "I'm Miss Roman, the art teacher."

"I'm liking this class," Jr. stated, munching on his cupcake. Which Allen did not receive.

"I know this is art class, but its a class just like any other," she said firmly. "You will have graded projects, tests, and homework." Then she cast a glance at Jr. "Except for you, because you're pretty to look at."

"Right on!" Jr. cheered. "I knew I didn't totally suck at life!"

Allen slumped in his chair. "God why..."


End file.
